Phatso's

Phatso's
3601 Merrick Road
Seaford, New York 11783
Hours:
Monday to Thursday 11am -12am
Friday-Saturday 11-1am
Sunday 12pm-11pm
Phone: 516-809-7878

The advent of Food Network, shows such as "Man Vs. Food," and the rise in popularity of competitive eating has caused a boom in large portions that care little about caloric intake or health. And to quote Mel Torme, "I think that's the tops!" I am a big guy and I enjoy eating and not just portion size - as my friend Broccoli Rob would say, "It has to be Flavor-Blasted." And to be perfectly honest, with experience as an amateur home chef, food needs fat to taste good. Ironically, I am trying to lose some weight so I can easily see the juxtaposition. Sure, I like making Mexican chicken tacos, with plenty of cilantro, chili powder, lime, and cumin but I realize its restrictions. Let's take some fried fish or chorizo, add some chipotle mayo-laced cabbage, globs of sour cream, and some bacon and we are on our way to a "most excellent" taco.

I have read about the bahn-mi (a Vietnamese sandwich filled with pate, Vietnamese bologna, ground pork, cilantro, pickled diakon, sliced hot peppers, and mayo all on a French baguette - there are a ton of variations though) craze in the city, where people use Twitter to chart the courses of mobile trucks to find these great sandwiches. Although I have yet to find one on the Island, I appreciate the amount of hype a sandwich is getting and one that is different. Sure, we all love our "Godfather" heroes but Long Island is saturated with generic pork store specialties to suit most tastes, leaving sandwich aficionados with little hope. And of course here our focus is on affordability. I am sure there are high-end places that serve Serrano ham sandwiches at $20 a pop in West Hampton. The sandwich is a lost art, one that deserves more than meat and cheese or some paltry meatballs. It has become mundane and only the greats look to revive it. But to all of those looking for quantity and quality and a low price, Phatso's should be a destination. I had heard rumors of a sandwich place taking over a spot where numerous pizza places dishing out Elios specialties had failed. A few months ago, Phatso's opened, their Facebook page proclaiming their massive specialties. I have had the pleasure of heading to Phatso's twice since it has opened and have been truly satisfied. The menu does contain highly-heralded cheesesteaks, hot dogs (can get bacon and cheese on it!), classic hot Italian heroes, some Mexican staples, and burgers. However, the main attraction are the monster heroes, all served on fresh, crusty Italian bread.

On my first visit, a cloudy afternoon hankering for something different yet viciously filling led me here. I decided to go for the gusto and ordered specialty hero #1 which consists of chicken fingers, steak, bacon cheese fries, and fried mozzarella balls all jammed into a hero. Each sandwich is made to order so it takes some time so if you are in a rush, it is worth calling ahead. However, I felt no need to rush, especially in waiting for this. I took the sandwich home and felt guilty eating it - there were too many great things on one sandwich. I took a bite and reveled in the flavors. Some were more prominent than others but each bite offered various palatal pleasures. The steak was well-cooked and slightly crusty like on a good steak. The cheese from the fries weaved between layers of fried mozzarella and crispy chicken. And the bacon added a salty kick and even more crispiness. Now, one has to realize that you are eating a bevy of fried items so there is bound to be some oil. However, Phatso's does a great job at limiting this. Its tremendously filling as even a big dude like myself had trouble finishing the whole thing. And don't forget, that this is the sandwich with everything on it. There are other options.

On the second visit, a return from a beer soaked bachelor party weekend absolutely called for such food. I headed to the shop with my brother, heralding that such a place would do wonders for recovery. I decided to go a bit "milder" with the #6 which is chicken fingers, bacon, provolone cheese and fries with ranch dressing on a hero. Of course, it was excellent and I have to admit that the lack of "everything" from the #1 enabled me to get a better taste of each item in the sandwich. The provolone provided a sharp bite that mellowed the fingers and bacon. The ranch provided a nice creaminess and pulled the sandwich together. My brother ordered the #5, which is similar but has fried mozzarella and barbecue sauce instead of provolone and ranch. He enjoyed it very much. We also ordered a side of fried and onion rings (completely unnecessary since they were on the sandwiches) but the fries had that rustic, skin-on flavor and the onion rings had a nice, flaky crust, which dominated the standard breaded fare. Add a nice fountain Coke, and it was quite a meal.

Phatso's also offers some fried desserts such as fried Oreo's, Twinkies, and chocolate chip cookies. In both visits, I was unable to think about another bite of food but I have heard some great things about them. In addition, they have super-sized versions of the specialty heroes (from the pictures it looks like two heroes with a ton of fries) for $20. If you can eat it, you can name it. So if the name, "The Islanders Suck" comes to mind, you can name that sandwich that. Most of the food falls between the $5 to $10 range, so head here before pissing away money on mini-burgers from a $1 menu.

Phatso's is worth a visit - go for the gusto and get one of the monster sandwiches. There are not many places where you can find such fare. You will leave full, happy, and with the realization that eating way beyond when your brain tells you to stop is awesome! The sandwich is back!

Notes:

- You can visit the homepage here for a peek at the menu and location.
- There is also a Facebook and Twitter page.
- Keep an eye out for excellent coupons offered by Phatso's in local papers, Pennysavers, and magazines. They are quite the deal!
- On a side note: the second time I went, one of the owners (Dave I believe his name was) told me that one of his fryers had crapped out on him so the wait would be a bit (close to a half-hour). He also said he would do his best with what he had. Not only were the sandwiches, fries, and onion rings great, but he knocked a few dollars off the bill when we paid. Ironically, I would have been fine with paying full price because the food was great and I appreciated his honesty. This is the kind of thing that will keep me going there. Not only did Dave remember me from my first visit, but he appreciated my patronage and did what he could to keep me as a regular customer. Kudos!